Some players want everyone at the table to have a good time…and some don’t care. Today, I’ll be talking about the second type of player. The “as long as I’M having a good time” guy. You know who this is. You’ve all dealt with one before. He/she feels so strongly entitled to being the focus of every effort from the GM that they don’t expect anyone else to enjoy themselves, and they’re completely fine with it. I currently have such a player in my regular roleplaying group. We’ll call him…Alphonse. So Alphonse used to be a decent roleplayer, but recently he does a variety of things that piss of not only myself, but the other players as well. He constantly falls asleep during session (Even when he’s the GM). He intentionally comes up with elaborate “Genius” plans that have no basis in what is currently going on, and insists that the party drop everything and help him. He makes ridiculous characters that don’t belong in the setting. He finds other distractions at the table to keep himself occupied, even when the rest of the group is waiting on him (He played with silly putty for 8 hours the last time we played). If any of these things is brought up as a problem, he simply claims that he only acted that way because he was bored, and that it’s the responsibility of the GM to keep him entertained enough to not do those things. That being a ridiculous excuse already, added to the fact that he’s the only one who feels this way, AND he has gone out of his way on several occasions to let me and the rest of the players know that he had a great time and can’t wait to play again, One might wonder why he hasn’t been removed from the group already.
While Alphonse in nigh unbearable at this point, he is my best friend. This complicates the issue further, when considering that our entire group are all close friends. We don’t just play games together, we do everything together as a group. I know realistically that not inviting him back is the only way to correct the problem, but part of me still wants to try to make it work. Unfortunately, he’s been approached several times to no avail. I no longer participate in games that he GMs, as these problems reach their absolute peak when he is in charge of the evening (if you can believe that he gets worse). I know what I should do, I just don’t know what I will do.
My reason for writing this post is partially to get input from other people, and see what they think I should do. I also wanted to write this so that anyone else dealing with a similar problem, might be able to get something out of this as well. I know the answer is obvious, because if it were anyone else, he wouldn’t even be playing with us. How do you exclude him from the game, while still trying to salvage the friendship with not only me, but the other players as well? Feel free to leave your comment, or email me at goluptiousgeek@gmail.com!
-Goluptious Geek
Goluptious Geek Blog 
Sounds like Alphonse is a real stick in the mud. Sometimes it can be hard to remove people from aspects of your life, or entirely. If his personality extends like this beyond a simple game it might be time to move on. Obviously I know nothing about him other than this little situation but don’t be afraid to remove him to better yourself. Falling asleep!? That is insulting.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Luckily I’ve not had to deal with this. When I have had difficult players, we told them they were being difficult and they stopped. But for your situation it seems like you are putting the job of maintaining the relationship on yourself, but it should be on your friend’s shoulders.
If he has been told he is difficult but continues to do so he is being selfish. He needs to realize he is ruining the game for others. And you should tell him that you’ve tried to work things out, but he hasn’t listened.
Try telling him he can’t come to one of the sessions and see what happens, if he gets upset simply tell him you’ve talked to him before about changing his attitude and he didn’t listen. And maybe he will realize what he has been doing and change his ways.
Ultimately it’s a sucky situation, I hope it works out for you
LikeLiked by 3 people
I have a reputation for being forward with my friends and co-workers in general. My simple advice is to be very honest about how you feel and communicate that to them. Respect is part of a friendship, and you respect them enough to ask for opinions before confronting them about the issues with your play sessions. Certain things that I do with my best friend from middle school on are restricted because of certain habits that show up. Basically, if it’s not fun for me, I say so in a nice way, or I slowly remove myself from being in that position by not playing.
Good luck and happy gaming!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I wouldn’t go so far as to say the answer is obvious. It’s more that whatever the answer may be, it won’t be easy to carry out, or ideal. As teplife said, I would look at his behavior in general. He may be your best friend, but if his offensive behavior extends beyond the table, there may be some choices you have to make with your friendship.
It’s also worth considering that it isn’t just you and Alphonse, but others as well. While you may be able to tolerate him, the others in your group may not. Not saying what you should do, just that there are something you need to think about. It may be worth taking the time to have the group discuss their issues in the open. We made the mistake of trying to ignore our group dynamic problems, but they inevitably exploded out. Letting it fester ruined our relationship with the group, and made us outcasts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve had to deal with this, and it was actually my adult son. I talked to him a few times and explained that that wasn’t the style of play that I was going for.
When he continued to do it, I asked him to try my way just for two sessions (we play weekly). He agreed, but still continued to be disruptive.
Finality I said that our style of gameplay were just too far apart and that I really thought he would enjoy a different group.
He was mad, but he did find another group where the gameplay was more an excuse for socializing that real immersion into role-playing.
Just what he was looking for.
He still plays in that group, but had since rejoined ours as a much more dedicated player.
It was tough at the time, but it didn’t ruin our relationship. I think it just matter what time you take when talking to them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Goluptious Geek
I know that dealing with a problem player is a PIA. but as the DM you have to make it enjoyable to ALL the players not 1 player.
To relate an experience: the gaming group we had used 5 or 6 different DMs we all shared the world. Joe (not actual name of person) kept playing a character with the ALIGNMENT “amoral”. Each DM had a rule if character “X” is killed (not revived) that player turns in “X” to DM. each of the 6 DMs killed Joe’s character permanently, Joe turned it in, but next game he would be playing “X”. We DMs got together made a joint decision: Any character could kill Joes character without any repercussions (eg A Paladin could back stab this character and not suffer any loss)(also had a bounty on his character), one of my nasty tricks was if he picked up and used ANY MAGICAL ITEM (weapon, drank a potion, used a Rod-Wand-Staff) he would take max damage (weapon), potion worked opposite or detrimental effect, R-W-S back fire he’d be effected, etc. I ruled do to your Alignment NO MAGIC will work for you, he then tried to say he was then immune from magic, I told him again pick one of the nine listed alignments or NO MAGIC WILL WORK FOR YOU & you have NO SAVE vs any magic cast at you and you will take the worst effect. After I killed his character in my world. I also said “X” can not be played in my world HE IS DEAD! I told him ROLL a NEW one in front of me, pick a character from the book from those scores as a 1st level. he left my game. Two weeks later he wanted to be DM told all of us bring our best character(s), All of us rolled up new 1st level characters. It took him over 6 hours to kill us off.
so in conclusion my suggestion is tell him to fly right or get out (tough love) you can give him reasons why but as DM you need to rid your group of problem players, also as a group stand together you might lose a friend but then he may see reason
I’ve used 3 simple rules Rule 1 DM is always right. Rule 2 if DM is wrong – SEE RULE 1. Rule 3 don’t like Rule ! & 2 don’t play, I have other rules as needed but try to have fun as player and DM
special rule #4 if you have problem with DM wait till end of session to talk it over with him/her. Don’t do it during game play.
I had to use rule 4 as a player to a New DM stated “I disagree but will talk to you after game session.” some history: character in question was a MONK II (Dragon Magazine #53) in a bar she work at city guard cam in she attacked them, DM said you are now a 1st level thief (see quote above), I told DM during the day we had encounters with I named them all and what actions were taken 80% with city guard always attacking 1st. in her mind city guard = they attack 1st ask questions later, she was not going to let them attack her or the party again. the DM said I’ll Rescind my ruling; I said no, but we will work out a deal.
The deal was as soon as she reached equal level as a thief to monk level she became a Monk-Thief class. he agreed that way he could keep his ruling and I would get a better deal later.
Compromise works out most of the time
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a really great comment! Thank you!
LikeLike
Hi there. You get people like this from time to time. With regards to distractions, my pet peeve is folks with their phone out (got to be an issue when Pokemon Go was new as apparently there is one that lives on my street not available elsewhere in the town). The answer to that was simple. No phones at the table. If the players are in the game, they are in the game. I also had a player who didn’t disrupt the party as such, but who liked to test me and throw tantrums when she didn’t get her way. The only way to deal with that was to let her know, in advance, potential outcome/likelyhoods. So, when she wanted to something near impossible, I told her it was near impossible. It didn’t work, and when she threw a tantrum and tried to get the other players to condemn me, they pointed out she was warned and went ahead anyway. In regards to the player being”Bored”, which sounds like an excuse but could be legitimate. The answer is simple and good practice. As your players what they want from their games. If your game has too much of something your Alphonse doesn’t like and not enough of what he does (example Too much rp and not enough stabbing things or vice versa) then you can either bend to accomodate, or it might come a point where you say this game isn’t for you. Harsh reality, the best games I have been in are where I have picked the players and not left it open for anyone. That way I can let them know what kind of game I am planning to run, get their input and have fun. I have many friends who would gladly join a game. But I am strict. I keep my games small and handpicked. That limits such behaviour. You’re there to have fun too. Hope that helps
LikeLiked by 1 person
I completely agree, I actually have a post about phones at the table too.
https://goluptiousgeek.wordpress.com/2017/02/12/phones-at-the-gaming-table/
My group is now preparing for an intervention with this individual, to determine if he’ll be remaining with us. Thank you for your comment! The problem with him being bored, is that my games have a reputation for being rp heavy, which Alphonse has requested. He likes the roleplaying, and says I’m a fantastic GM, and even goes so far as to not play unless I’m either the GM or a player. However, his behavior tells me something different.
Slight update. Alphonse had gone through a radical personality shift in the last year, as well as have unexplained problems with fatigue, and very odd behavior. The group is going to talk with him about potentially seeing a doctor as well, just to make sure he’s ok. He was recently terminated from his job as a result of this.
LikeLike